This is my journey from the deeply mysterious to the outrageously silly and mundace happenings of my life. the lows and highs, the ups and downs. And maybe a Simple Harmonic Motion to an exponential curve. Mathematical, Scientific, Theistic, Philosophical, Logical,Social, every conceivable idea.
Monday, June 28, 2004
Man o Man. Man o Man o Man.
Networks. Probably the most feared of all the subjects in Computer Science mainly because of unreliability. And today im witness to the most horrific experiences of them all. Never have i felt that working with Sockets can be so tiresome. And now seeing the way network really works, i must say im falbbergasted. From the noon onwards, ive been stuck with a single prob and i find out that the network doesnt seem to work right.
For my multimedia course project, this is a lot of work to do. Deadline : tomorrow morn 10 am. Im sure im going to complete it by then. Somehow working with networks and threads is giving me the thrills of a lifetime. I hope the hardwork im putting in will be appreciated. Anyways, whatever it is, im going to give a sizeable demo by tomorrow morn.
Not having worked with networks or threads for a long long time, i think im going to run into troubles, lot of them soon,very soon. Only if, if my code works for the demo right! Working on it almost continously for the last 12 hours is a pain. And i havent had my foooood. Im hungry!!! Growl! Thats my poor stomach....
Wish me Luck.
KoPoS, 8:49:00 PM
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Thursday, June 24, 2004
Mediocrity. An escape mechanism for mortals of ordinary stature to justify their demeaningly low levels of creativity and courage. Mediocrity was is and never will be the mark of a winner. Dreams are what drive a true winner. And the visions make them a worthy leader. But its funny how so many people accept and live with this mediocrity all along. 'If its worth doing it, its worth doing it best' is the way a work is done or a life is lived.Illustrious lives are marked not by wealth money or position but the passion and their denial of mediocrity. And who else to symbolise it but the laid-back chalta hai attitude of hyderabadis? kya bole?
Fate.An escape mechanism to actually justify their present state by individuals of demeaningly low level of courage. Fate is something i dont believe in. If fate is a mathematical function where some things are out of control, then i believe it. If walking on the road, a stone for somewhere hits me, its fate. But if im walking on the road, lost in my dreams and then a bus hits me, its isnt fate, its carelessness. If i buy a lottery ticket and someone else wins the money its fate. But if i write an exam, and i miss the top honours by a whisker its not fate, its incompetence. If i wanted to be a pilot but i wasnt tall enought for it, its fate. If i wanted to be a pilot, but im a manager now, its not fate, but choice.
Its so easy when things we couldnt do because of laziness and a lack of courage, we simply thrust that on fate. And its easy when we love someone but dont have the courage enough to express the same and now they are in love with someone else, we curse our fate. And after all the pains, if the parents say no and you accept it saying its the cruel game of fate, but didnt try as if your life depended on it, its not fate again but a serious problem with you.
KoPoS, 11:49:00 PM
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Wednesday, June 23, 2004
Yesterday was probably the most productive of the days in terms of effort-satisfaction quotient. Mainly cause I tried some new things and succeeded in them. Being a new swimmer, trying to swim across the length of the swimming pool in 'planet 10' has always been a nightmare. Whenever i tried it by holding my breath i would stop halfway down the line. But now that ive learnt to do freestyle by also breathing above water, i decided to give it a try. Well the first time i failed. Panicked. Then after some time I tried again, and succeeded. This after...almost drowning when i was learning swimming.
And now working with Enlightenment, WM, i feel so cool. Its highly configurable and works well. Does all i need. And yes the point is ive changed many menus according to my convenince. It required a quite an amount of effort. But it helps you know when your effort shows the results. Aah...the sweent scent of success.
But the coding is going real bad. And i promised Mr.P that ill be finishing our project yesterday itself which i havent incidentally even started. Hope to learn and master Linux by doing this part of the project report, etc. Lets see.
And the job market is big here and in C.B. Hope it can squeeze me in and share a few lacs. :))
Abhi to life hai movies, enlightenment, business india, poetry, swimming.
coding ki zaroorat hai.
KoPoS, 10:27:00 AM
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Tuesday, June 22, 2004
Im sick of all this male and female bashing all over the net. Everywhere, why does anyone have to act like the holy shit or the satan god? Just having read some blogs of some really idiotic people, i just dont understand how to react! Yes, you are ready to have your own opinions and ideas, but people please stop this bashing. After talking cribbing complaining about everything in this world, the easiest way people take out saying is that 'Im like this. Accept or F*** Off'. Again the holy than attitude or the sickest retarded punk trying to prove that whole world has gone damn sick...
Yes to err is human. But stop complaining about it. I hate these people who complain. Either do something about it or shut the f*** up. What comes around is what goes around. Dont expect people to be nice to you if u expect them to accept you as you are. Men like hot babes. Period. EOF. And yes women like hot men too. The only point is its natural and let it remain that way. Its the same people that say are very confident about themselves are the one who are pissed off when someone forgets to wish them or say a simple excuse me. And what is it with such sick people that very trivial things seem to flare up even the most trivial matters of contention?
And more frightening is the attitude of some feminists. As though the whole of the world is going to end because of man. And if its women who are bashing men over being control freaks, most of the the times its for the reason that they want to be the ones who want the absolute control. And yes there have been female abuse. Only that cases of male abuse wont be accepted and go unnoticed. Just tone down your egos and stop being so being so f***** paranoid.
I dunno what, but now i too seem to follow the same rhetoric. And the first and last time i want to use by blog to talk about such useless trivial matters.
KoPoS, 11:29:00 AM
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Monday, June 21, 2004
Someday I'll be a flower,
Beautiful and sweet.
Sharing the scent that fills all me,
to bee and the lass the smell me with glee.
Someday I'll be a bird,
Heavenly and free.
Flapping the wings I shall soar so high,
happiness that'll spread in everywhere I might try.
Someday I'll be a tree,
Motherly and green.
Shading the tired traveller who rests under me,
And playing with the kids that jump all over thee.
The flowers and the birds
and the trees in me
in the hues all worse,
the devil jumps in glee.
Haughty and aloof
like the flower thats perched
on the branch at the top,
Love with the self and all in vain.
Fickle as the bird
that moveth with seasons that change
from the south to the north
and then way back down.
Green as a tree
the monster cries in thee,
envious of others
and drowns in jealousy.
But until that day I shall stay a man,
waiting for the day I shall reborn.
KoPoS, 12:16:00 PM
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Listen you freaks that filleth this place,
For a lesson so old, that it, aint new no more.
Of a lesson of life and love that grows,
From the pangs of pain, the pleasure that rose.
Take care of love thats held out for you,
for the love only thats yours is not that truth.
As a tendered little child that learns to grow
falling and walking it learns to grow.
As a tendered little plant that sways in the gusts,
Leave it time and space to grow...
The love that stays isnt the love you tied down
The love that stays isnt the love you buyed now
The love that stays isnt the one that you built
on lies and wealth and dreams of truth ephemeral.
For the love that stays is only the one thats strong
from the gusts and pains that shattered its arms.
Love your love that way you live Love
for the love you love is the love you'll live.
Let the love live and the love till you live
for the love that stays is the love you let go.
The first draft. I know its real bad.I'll refine it overtime...
KoPoS, 11:32:00 AM
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Deep in the mind a question now lurks,
for an answer so wise that makes all numb.
For the nature of me it sets out to find,
behest of the word the mind started to work
Ceasing to rest and losing my sleep,
I started for my answers to find the true me.
For being so full of life and love,
Positive and fearless of pains all around.
Learning the truth the heart skipped a beat,
Of the blood so red that run filled up the veins,
For the optimism that grew was already in me,
of the group of blood that thee shouted 'B p'.
I always wondered why i was optimistic and so positive about things. The reason i learnt is pretty obvious. What else can a person be if the blood in him is B+ve? What else option do i have other than to 'be positive'?
KoPoS, 11:20:00 AM
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Sunday, June 20, 2004
Since the reports of google going online bigtime into the mailing service with its 1 GB mailboxes, free on the first day of April 1st was something I always looked at with skepticism until my gmail happened...
Gmail is now a new community in itself. I don't really what we are upto but 1 GB is still something of a surprise to me even now. Gmail is now officially the 'want and need' of the geeks. It really is. Earlier to me an email address was a need to know basis. Not anymore. Now gmail is more of a need. A need of the hour. The 1 GB mail is too hard to resist. And coming with are many questions of privacy, text-ads and stuff. Never mind I might be mightily pissed off soon. But till then revel in the fun of the gmail.
And the icing on the cake was, all gmail asks is first-name and last-name. Then why the hell do yahoo and msn and others need all that information from me. More often than not, I tend to be careful and try to be as much less truthful as possible. Believe everything, but trust nothing
Now IM officially on gmail...woohoo.
All in smallcase. This is just to push off the Web-crawlers.
POORNA DOT SHASHANK AT GMAIL DOT COM
Hopefully i can do the bit to the community by referring to some of my friends and associates. But what the hell im still rocking in gmail.
But for gmail i had to install mozilla 1.7 from an earlier mozilla 1.2....I still want to have my Firefox on Linux to run but lets see, there is some gtk lib missing. Gotta checkout.
KoPoS, 4:23:00 PM
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Saturday, June 19, 2004
I'm a workaholic, a self-confessed one. So this brings us to many trysts with truth. Is what I confessed a truth? Or what I think about myself is true? Or what i think i really am, I really am? Hmmmm....no idea. So the point is, im a self confessed workaholic. Now the point is, the next one week is the probably the end of my last few fun dayz in IIIT, my alma mater. Well, the point is, these last few dayz arent really huge fun, basically because I've got a lot of work to do. What you may ask? Well, yes. My FYP[final year project] for one. And then the multimedia project. And then the AGC[Advanced Grafix Course] project. The point is: each one of them are in the last stages. Actually the finishing touches. And that is what makes working on them a pain in the a** [pardon or condemn the profanity, ur call].
And so now ive finally decided since the nuke-tipped mail is already here, why not better make a clean exit out of here before things get hot, horrifying and confusing...Before my pal drops by in the night, i think i'll try make a good software module for the AGC project. Its my Magnum Opus and that is what makes me so close to my heart. And i cant make a bad job of it. But doing a good job needs time and that is what i dont have...Time. Patience too.
Who the hell cares? Maybe i can finally win a challenge over myself...Who knows...Lets see. Whatever it is, i will keep the blog active until im gone from this heavenly place called Room no.60, OBH, IIIT. Life will NEVER be the same again.
And probably im finally homing into on my lakshya. IAS thats for one that will be going a lot around in my mind for the next few dayz. If i can get some hands-on info on that, then surely ill enter those portals. Thats for sure. Aaaaah...the sweet scent of success.
And of course, a long time since I've been worked on something as hardcore as this. Programming gives me the high. And prolly my ICC will be my biggest intellectual high.
Programming is my intellectual orgasm
KoPoS, 3:23:00 PM
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Yesterday was the day when i was cruising down the abyss at photospeed and here i am now; different, stabilized and on a high. well partly because I had had a great talk with my best pal, Tarun. Of late, Ive been growing extremely dependant on my friends and not to speak of, on my computer. They are now an extension of my emerging personality. Now since i was on a high I decided I will be taking to a new high. So 'Lakshya' happened.
Inspite of being a Saturday, I got up late (0900 hrs), watched 'Speed' and then woke up Tarun @ 1030 hrs and left for 'Lakshya' @ 1045 hrs for the morning show. And it has been a real good movie i should say. Farhan Akhtar has come full circle with this second film of his. Of course his movies are for the urban youth and it always deals with confusions and heartbreaks. But 'Lakshya' is everything 'LoC' is NOT. Seeing LoC simply distressed me, but now Lakshya is a different movie altogether. The point is Lakshya has its share of deaths, moments of flaws and even some moments of heroism, but, but
it never flows over the brim.
No pseudo-heroism, no mindless jingoism, just the life of a soldier, true to life. True to his heart. And with this movie of his, Farhan has notched a few cells of space in each and everyone of our hearts. And yes, Hrithik is way to too good for the role. And of course the Zinta girl, a good takeoff of the in-media celebrity Barkha Dutta's real-life persona, this is just one more feather. All in all, a great movie. DCH and now Lakshya, what next Farhan?
KoPoS, 3:06:00 PM
Friday, June 18, 2004
Have you ever felt like you have hit the rock-bottom? Not the bottom per se, but you seem to be just going on and on and on...deeper into the bottomless pit. and just when you thought you've hit the rock bottom, something happens and you find yourself a few notches deeper.
and then again when you seem you have managed to scrape a few notches up the dark slippery walls of the well, you again slip down the walls and return to the same place where you started, only a litte more deeper.
all it takes to push you out of this comfort zone of yours is the awareness.The awareness that you dont know where you are heading to. Well of course maybe a few years down the line you know what damn you want to be, but the point is you dont know what you are doing right now. And what you are doing right now is right or wrong! If the things that you are doing now will take you where you want to be.
Or worse still, if you have no faint idea why you are here in the first place? and worser still, if all around you find ppl, who just seem to be crystal-clear about what they want, where they are and where they are headed to!!! and you seem to be the only one alone in the universe in the wrong place and in the wrong time.
And idling the time away bestowed upon you by higher powers that maybe. Any answers?
KoPoS, 6:26:00 PM